Are You Winning a Political Argument or Slowly Killing Yourself?
A friend of mine, let’s call him Jack, is embroiled in a snake-filled lawsuit. His story is shocking, not for its elements alone but for what the outcomes have been so far. It started taking a toll on Jack’s health.
Jack contracted a freelancer to do some copywriting for his small business. It turned out the work was not within the woman’s abilities. Jack learned that she had falsified her resume; she turned in ungrammatical, senseless copy. So after a few weeks my friend dismissed her from the 12 hours a week gig (at $16/hour), and paid her in full. He wished her well, and considered the matter over.
Two days later he got a demand letter from a lawyer threatening to sue for $1.5 million if he did not pay $500,000 to the woman within four days.
Shocking, right? Once you get past the extortion bit, the case became weirder still. The plaintiff stalked Jack and had subpoenas sent to his clients. With your jaw on the table, as mine has been, you ask, “How can this be?” Some lawsuits are frivolous or vindictive, having little to do with real damage. According to the American Judges Association, as many as 97 percent of civil cases resolve by measures other than trial. But until the cases reach an actual court date — which could take years — the defendant has to pay legal fees and endure the chaos. This, alongside the emotional and financial stress.
A friend once described her courtroom experience as a tennis game between the judge and lawyers, with her as the ball.
These days it feels like the American public and the Constitution are the ball.
That brings me to the topic of the impeachment proceedings.
No matter which side you are on, it has been a stressful process with little relief. And few victories. Certainly not for the Democrats, and certainly not for the Republicans. Sure, in nine months we will go to the polls and make the decisions, but we all know that a lot can happen between now and then.
You might be a Trump supporter and detest Democrats for raising the impeachment issue. Or you may be an anti-Trumper and feel rage against the locked Senate. Many of us worry about the future of our country. The feelings, worry and anger can disable people from conducting their daily lives. And most certainly this stress takes time off one’s life.
But it doesn’t have to.
You dig in your heels while reading the latest news. And firmly lock your jaw.
You can thank your forebears for that tendency. The “fight-or-flight” response in our bodies is reaction to life-threatening situations, whether real or perceived. The body’s sympathetic nervous system gets a kick from all the stress hormones flooding your system with adrenaline and cortisol for maximum performance against the perceived threat. Rapid heartbeat, dilated pupils, here I come.
However — you may be at a luncheon with co-workers, not facing a saber-toothed tiger! You don’t need all that adrenaline. A co-worker made a comment that infuriated you, activating all those stressors.
Now, if you were to flee the threat, you could become either safe or “prey.” And the monster may get you. So, instead, you dig in your heels and “stand your ground,” and confront the enemy assault. You’re ready to face the monster, but the monster is your father-in-law, your co-worker, your friend, your neighbor! Or a stranger.
Someone ticking you off is not life-threatening most of the time.
And unfortunately the resulting stubbornness can be an ugly trait. At first glance you can appear to be passionate and full of conviction. But a state of stubbornness means you are no longer listening, or for that matter, correctly processing information.
You become so boneheaded that you’re winning a battle but losing the war, and your health along with it. Your health suffers: energy, appetite, relationships and well-being. The constant diet of alarm ingested in social media and the news is not good for us.
One natural relief website defines stressors as “the barely-tolerable external pressures or challenges that bring us tension, unhappiness, and, eventually, problems such as anxiety, depression, and stress-related diseases and disorders.”
There is a term to describe the poisoning effect of too much information. It’s called Information Poisoning. People get sick because of it. And it has few benefits, if any.
The blogger Scott H. Young details:
“Despite the negative influence of too much information, few people recognize the toxicity. In one test, doctors were given more information about patients than was necessary to provide a diagnosis. The extra information actually decreased the doctors’ ability to diagnose, while making them more confident.
In other words, more information makes you think you know more. Even if you actually know less.”
You can do this, you can move out of this cycle. Let’s do it.
Mr. Rogers’ Advice?
Change up your news sources to include the positive, every day.
Remember when Mr. Rogers repeated his mother’s advice to get through scary situations? “Always look for the helpers. If you look for the helpers, you’ll know there’s hope.” After calamity come the helpers. You need look no further than the wild fires in Australia for examples. Populate your reading, viewing and social media with uplifting content, and restore connection. There are many examples out there on the Internet. Time to make those cortisols calm the heck down.
Websites like Upworthy, Tiny Buddha, TED, all have inspiring and healthful information. Check out the recommendations from Huffington Post here.
Breathe Deeply, Laugh Daily
Make time for personal recovery every day.
Laugh. Every. Day. Stop the Information Poisoning. To get those cortisols and adrenals to recede it’s actually quite simple: do some deep breathing.
Then take some time to laugh.
The journalist and newspaper editor Norman Cousins healed himself with laughter and Vitamin C. He lived decades longer than his doctors predicted.
Told that he had one chance in 500 of recovery, Cousins developed his own recovery program. He took massive intravenous doses of Vitamin C and had self-induced bouts of laughter brought on by films of the television show Candid Camera, and by various comic films. “I made the joyous discovery that ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep,” he reported. “When the pain-killing effect of the laughter wore off, we would switch on the motion picture projector again and not infrequently, it would lead to another pain-free interval.” (Wikipedia)
How’s that for medicine? If you watch something, pick something that brings you joy.
I’d Like You to Meet — You!
The most highlighted appointment in your daily life should be with yourself. Get acquainted with your internal life. The life inside you is much more than the many identities you have in your daily life — working, parenting, holding the whole operation together. If you’re not tuned in to your inner self, and following your bliss, as Joseph Campbell often said, you’re only following what you think you should be doing, or saying. And that is a conflict in and of itself.
Learning mindful meditation comes into play here. Spend time walking, or in contemplation. It can improve your outlook, pulling you away from toxic mind. Of course, art and music come in this category.
Of late, I have come to recognize my limit, and I listen to it. Being informed is important to me, but not at the cost of my well-being.
Movement is Part of Our Makeup
Dance, walk, run, do back flips, work out, whatever your preference. Christopher McDougall, author of Running with Sherman, outlines the benefits: “you trigger that magical ON switch that speeds healing hormones to everything you need to get stronger: your bones, brain, organs, ligaments, immune system, even the digestive bacteria in your belly, all get a molecular upgrade from exercise.”
Get it? Sure you do.
Discover the Power of Accepting Your Life
Accept that you may have to accept what seems unacceptable to you, and be okay. And still survive. And still enjoy your life.
I use this phrase to turn my perspective around: Everything is a blessing. Everything.
If you’ve had disappointing news, or heartbreak, think of that situation through this lens. And you will find yourself in a pool of gratitude. We are such short-sighted beings, but your outlook can change with this mantra. “Everything is a blessing” turns you to the truth that you are loved, and things will work out in the end.
A few months ago I had an accident and was bedridden for weeks. I was in excruciating pain most of the time. I used this saying daily, and found that I could stabilize my thinking, and feel loved and cared for. It was a shift in perspective that I had not considered before, and its effects bowled me over.
I want to get back to Jack and his court case situation. Jack must cross this muddy river. There is no way around it. But he’s taking super care of himself in spite of it all. Jack’s laugh is still full and hearty. He is still caring for his rescued dogs, cats and birds. He will come through this experience a changed person, and will be most grateful when it’s all over.
I feel the same about our nation.
